


Draw A Line Under It

by Port_in_a_Storm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, New Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 16:44:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5593501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port_in_a_Storm/pseuds/Port_in_a_Storm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's midnight, the end of 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	Draw A Line Under It

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year all you beautiful lot! Thank you all so much for an amazing few months in this amazing fandom!
> 
> Here's to a happy 2016 for our boys. Enjoy :)

It’s close to midnight. Aaron watches everyone in the pub laughing, joking, smiling. Reminiscing about the year just gone. Aaron feels like he wants to just draw a line under 2015 – pretend it never happened, that everything that did go on happened to someone else. He's almost ready to drink to that; to salute to the thought that 2015 was nothing to him, when Robert walks in.

Aaron has always been aware of when Robert walks into a room. He had told his lover this during Their Week, when Robert had already become something Aaron didn’t want to let go of, when he had accepted being the bit on the side if it meant brief moments like this could exist. 

‘It’s like, I dunno, like I’m hyper aware of you or something,’ Aaron had said. ‘Like whenever you walk into a room, I... I feel... somethin’.’

Robert had smirked, had pressed himself up against Aaron so the younger man could feel his growing hardness. ‘Oh yeah?’ 

‘Not like that!’ Aaron pushed hard on Robert’s chest, but he was laughing. Because when Robert had woken up that morning, he had wrapped his arms around Aaron, kissed him on the shoulder blade and whispered into Aaron's happy right ear, _‘it’s so good to have you here’_. After that, Aaron couldn’t be angry with Robert for a bad joke.

‘I know,’ Robert said. His eyes turned soft and gentle, and he ran his hand through Aaron’s hair. ‘I get it with you as well.’

Aaron smiled, unsure whether Robert meant it, or if he just wanted to please Aaron. But he’d take the lie. He’d take anything if it meant keeping Robert wrapped around him for a little while longer.

Back in the pub, Aaron catches Robert’s eye for a moment, and he looks away. But the damage has been done. Aaron can’t remove Robert from his memory any more than he can remove the sickness inside of him that makes him reach for a drink or a lighter or a blade. Robert is destruction in the most beautiful package.

His Mum puts a pint in front of him, and Aaron blinks at her. He still can’t quite forgive the feelings she has for Gordon, but he and Chas are more alike than either of them would care to admit, so he thinks maybe he should try to understand her.

‘Any resolutions?’ she asks him with a strained smile. 

Aaron shrugs, but wants to make an effort for her. ‘Giving up the vices?’ he tries. ‘Drinking, I guess.’ _‘Falling for men I can’t have’_ he doesn’t say, but his eyes find Robert, and Chas follows them. 

‘He’s the worst vice,’ she says. ‘And the worst vices are the ones you can’t give up no matter how bad they are for you. I should know.’ 

He believes her. She does know. She knows better than he what bad love can do to you.

Adam spots him later and talks to him, and Aaron is glad for the distraction. ‘Remember last year,’ he asks Aaron, ‘I was on a curfew. You were being mysterious,’ he grins. He knows now that it was Robert that Aaron had planned to see, but the great thing about Adam is that he never treats Aaron any differently, even when he knows his most damning secrets. For the first time in over a year, Aaron feels jealous of Vic for having a good man, for having a man that Aaron can’t have. 

_‘But even if Adam WAS available, you would still have chosen Robert,’_ he thinks. And it’s true. Robert has rigged all of his choices so that he’s all of the answers: A, B, C, D, and all of the above. 

Aaron smiles weakly. ‘Goin’ to the lav,’ he says quietly. But he goes outside instead and breathes in deep, the cold air cutting his lungs. He gets the urge to run again, to push himself until his feet bleed and his heart bursts in his chest. But then he becomes aware of a presence next to him, and he looks up and is captured by blue-green eyes. 

Robert leans against the wall, head turned towards Aaron. They haven’t spoken properly since Aaron found out that Robert wanted to buy Diane’s half of the pub. It feels like such a small thing now, now that Gordon is back and looking unlikely to leave.

‘Good Christmas?’ Robert asks, breaking the silence.

Aaron considers ignoring him, but there’s always been something about Robert that draws him in. He shakes his head. ‘Not really, no.’

Robert digs his hands into his pockets and puts his foot against the wall. ‘I heard about Zak and Lisa,’ he says. Aaron frowns at him. ‘Vic told me,’ he explains. He doesn’t mention Gordon, but from the look in his eyes, Aaron knows that Robert thinks that something is off about Aaron; something that doesn’t concern Zak’s affair with Joanie. 

He shrugs. ‘Things happen,’ he says. ‘Have to deal with it. How was your Christmas?’

‘Awkward,’ Robert says with a mirthless laugh. ‘Spent most of the time being ushered room to room by Vic to make sure that me and Andy didn’t start fighting and ruin everyone’s day.’ Aaron doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing. 

A cheer rises from inside the pub, making Aaron jump. He checks his phone. Midnight. 

When he looks up, Robert is right in front of him, and all Aaron can see is him. It makes Aaron catch his breath.

Robert leans in, and Aaron tells his hand to reach out, to stop Robert with a push against his chest; tells his mouth to open, to stop Robert with a word. But instead, his heart pounds against his chest, his mouth opens only to gasp. Because Robert’s breath is on his face, and his nose is brushing his, and Aaron can’t stop this even if he wanted to.

His eyes close, just before Robert’s own does, and Aaron expects lips on his, breaths mingling, teeth clashing. Instead, Robert’s hot breath dampens his happy right ear and he whispers ‘Happy New Year, Aaron.’ 

His eyes flutter open, and he sees Robert walking backwards, away from him, a small smile on his face. Robert turns around only when he sees an answering smile on Aaron’s lips. 

_‘Draw a line under 2015,’_ Aaron tells himself. He’s not sure if he can forgive Robert completely, not yet. _‘2016 will be better.’_ But he knows he doesn’t want to forget him either.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi! [Port in a Storm](http://portinastorm.tumblr.com/)


End file.
